I am sure, you all got a good idea on what this blog is going to be, but let’s just have a brainstorm on the struggles on being brown in a Brown Family.
When anyone says Brown Family, we mean by Naturally born browns okay? For example from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepali, Filipino, etc, etc… We- browns live a certain type of life, with a certain type of “Rules” and “Standards”, which we have no idea why they exist but we have to follow them.
1 – CURFEW
Something, that I personally am struggling all day, every day, ever since I can remember and I am sure a lot can relate to me in similar ways. You see, as you grow up, your parents start setting this “Time Limit” for you to get your ass home, or else get your ass whooped *not literally…. maybe?
So apparently, they-the parents think that by doing so, they can “save” the child from turning into a Rebellious, Evil, Haath cho nikal gaya wala (out of control) child, but you all know the very bitter truth that it doesn’t work. EVER – Because this generation-children knows their way around. The curfews are usually stating that “come home straight from Work / School.”
That’s when all the Tutions / After-Class trainings / Preparations of Projects / Meetings / Events / etc… comes in. Suddenly, you have friends, who are born twice in a year / they suddenly got in an accident / etc.
By chance, you try to talk to your parents, about expending your curfew, your parents will always use ;
“Zamana bohot karab aa.” (The Generations is very bad)
and as for me, a brown girl, I get a lot of ;
“Changiya Ghara diya kuri baar nahi rehndiya” (Decent families’ daughter’s don’t stay out till late.”
& the ever-famous, most used line –
“LOG KI KEHNGE?!” ( WHAT WILL THE SOCIETY SAY?)
You know what’s the cherry on top of all this? When you “MALE” sibling has a flexible curfew, but you can’t because of being a GIRL. It’s like, we are born to have Curfews.
2. The Aunties – The Not-ever-needed Critics.
You must’ve all have a group of Aunties who thinks their opinions, comments and sayings matters to us as if they are critics or some sort of Mrs/Miss- Always right, but in fact – it’s just raising the chances of disclosing the nasty truths about their own child to them. & If you tell me, you don’t have such aunties, then are you even brown in a family ? are you even brown bruh?
Basically, whatever you do, no matter related to your studies, career, your life partner and even your appearance, they would feel the need to comment on it, to give their opinions on it – and by opinions I mean, insulting you in a way showing that they “care” for you, or it’s for “your good”.
According to my personal experience, I normally experiment with my hair quite often, from straight, to short, to curly, to long colored, I have done most of it. Every time, I do something with “MY OWN” hair, my aunties would have this urge to comment on it like, “Simran, Eh ki kita? (What did you do?) Avie Jaloos he kaahdi jani aa? (You are just screwing up.)
I am here like deep down in my mind saying, last time I checked, I did my very own hair and with my own money. “Tuhada ki bill aunda?” (Do you get bills for it?) “Tuhade kithe peer hundi aa?” (Where does it hurt you?) but reply them like “Koiina, I will fix it.” with a smile hiding millions of thoughts of killing them right there.
3 – Lecture here & there.
There is always this time in life, where you feel like lost, clueless, numb… and you want to turn to your parents & talk to them about it. Perhaps lie on your Mom’s lap, and empty your brain, cry your heart out but you are not taken seriously.
First of all, you are quite confused about what are the things that you should actually tell your parents, assuming a whole reaction beforehand, if it’s safe for you to mention certain things… and then when you finally censored and filtered whatever you told them, instead of being all ears, they will find loopholes, to lecture you about whatever according to them, is not “right“. Instead of listening to you, listening to the whole scenario, they will be like “Ek min rukh…” (Wait a minute), “Ki boleya?“( What did you say?!), “Ki?! KI kita?” (What did you do?), “Nahi phir toh boli..” (No, say it again.) Now instead of you sharing, it’s turned to you saving your ass now. It’s a whole U-Turn, from sharing-thoughts to Saving-Ass-from-Lecture.
Then the “Jado assi tere umar de c na…” (When I was your age…) starts, suddenly they start telling stories from their childhood, as if they walked through mountains to school, or they use to go to Moon for school. *sigh*
4 – Pressure of Marriage.
There is no stronger pressure of anything, other than the pressure of Marriage by every single “Married” person in your relatives & your parents. The moment you hit, 20s – that’s the time, you are prepared for your marriage, especially if you are a girl.
*talking from personal experience again.*
Everyone would start saying you are getting “Too Old”, “You should settle down”, or would say “When I was your age, I was already pregnant with you…” which you know is mostly not true.
Suddenly, attending Marriages becomes hell for you, because you would always hear aunties and uncles teasing you with “You are next…”
They would suddenly be interested in your love-life, asking you constantly if you have anyone in mind, interested in anyone, any boyfriend/girlfriend. This is the time when you actually think if it’s a trap or they are for real. Honestly, it’s death both sides, if you say “Yes.”, then they will react like you disgraced them – and if you say “NO”, they will start showing you some boys/girls, forcing you to get interested in their choice.
Suddenly, everything you do is going to keep you SHADDA / SHADDI (loner) for life. If you dress a certain way, sit a certain way, or even breath a certain way, no one will marry you. You sleep till late, your rotis ain’t round, or there is more salt in the Sabji, No one is going to marry you.
People say, It’s a miracle to have gotten pictures of MARS – but honestly, it’s a miracle if you survive in a brown family, with all the rules, cultural standards and the expectations of Aunties and Uncles.
Whatever I wrote up there, is from personal experiences. Since I have turned 22 this year, you can imagine my situation – Yes. I am now constantly pressured on getting married soon. I am even permitted to have a boyfriend – as long as I will get engaged to them by next year.
I am here, trying to explain to them that, nowadays boys are scared of committing to a relationship of 4-5 months, and you are asking me to put a condition to them that “You want to be with me? Well, you’ve got to marry me.”
In that case, I am probably going to die SHADDI.