The struggles of a Woman

We are normally known as Girl, Lady, Woman, A Chick, Chokri, Patola, Londi, and the list goes on and on.. but do you understand the real struggle of being a girl despite having all of this? *and by girl, I mean any type of girl, by birth or not. #equality.

Y’all think all we give a f*ck about is our looks, nails, bla bla bla. HELL NO. Shit is actually more serious than that. Allow me to list out some struggles we girls face on everyday basis but don’t often speak about it. And maybe then you will understand – it’s easy to press a girl down, but it’s hard to actually be one.

1 – Code Red

Code Red, Fever, Flo time, whatever you wanna name it. But the most struggling time for a girl is her periods. *Now I know you all must be like, ughhhhhh I hear that a lot. Well get fu*king use to it, you hear a lot because we bleed a lot.

For all you male readers, Stop making that disgusting faces, learn some shit about it & it can peace your life a bit.

Not going to get into very detail of periods, I am sure you all must’ve read about it during General Studies, when you all decided to put some clothes on with markers or correction pens- on the naked cartoons of pubertal male & female. And now you guys watch porn. *sigh

Anyways, the struggle behind having periods despite the cramps and the bleeding and the tension and the PMS-ing, we always struggle to deal with people constantly asking us “what’s the matter?” “You feeling okay?” You look tired.” And we have to lie through our teeth’s saying , “yea, all good, just not feeling well.

You know why we have to lie? Because you guys get disgusted about it and it will change your whole point of view on us until you know it’s over. We suddenly look like a patient to you. You start with your sympathising “get well Soon“. & everything we do suddenly starts being blamed on our periods.

Even if we are not on periods and suddenly crave for chocolates, some ice cream, some spicy siumei, you would still blame our periods. Even if we are really pissed about something, our not-yet-here periods gets blamed for it.

But only at one situation, you remember & heartily waits for our periods with pure love. After an unprotected sex.

2 –

What will the society say? (Log kya kahege?)

If you are a Desi, a Brown Woman, this sentence is stuck to your life like your soul. Not sure if non-Brown hears this. But oh well, Brown ladies can relate all the way.

This sentence, is worse than Rebecca Black’s Friday Song on repeat for 24hrs straight. This sentence haunts us for life, in every single way possible & impossible. You can say, behind every girl who killed her dreams, is this sentence. This sentence is used by aunties , uncles, elder siblings, far away relatives, grandparents, some friends who already killed their dreams and even strangers on the street who thinks their existence in our life will make a difference. Parents nowadays, have improved a lot .. perhaps there are some, but their way of saying isn’t as hurtful as the outsiders.

Parents usually uses this because they over protective of us, because no matter how old we are, we will always be their lil one.

PS. Parents always loves their daughters more. Sorry not sorry Lil brother.

The reason why this is a struggle for girls, is because the Society AKA log only chooses to open their god damn mouth when it’s about a girl wanting to do something for her future, her career, or even when she wants to choose her own life partner. The sentence is often used to judge the way we dress, the way we carry ourselves, the way we talk, the way we walk, the way we eat, the way we drink, the way we sit, the way we smile, the way we laugh, etc etc etc … but ….

it is also a way parents use, to convince us to walk their way because they think our way isn’t the right way, showing us that they care for us (which they actually do but just too protective of us) therefore – be careful of what the society will say, because if the society talks ill, who will marry us? Because if no one marries us, what’s the purpose of our worthless life right?

Bullshit.

We hear this sentence, to constantly remind us, that no matter how advance the world gets, no matter what century, we girls have to always live by rules set by a certain society. Everything of ours, is meant to be judged and commented on.

No matter how independent you are, no matter how much hard work, blood and sweat you put in building yourself, if the society don’t approve, it’s worthless.

The fact is, there is no society, but just a group of old fashion cowards, who can’t digest the fact that – nowadays we girls can also built our name, be independent and we can also support our partners, our families, and ourselves without man.

3 –

Harassment.

This is an ancient struggle that all women since The beginning of Time & Earth has been suffering and it looks like, Cancer will soon find its cure but this won’t. This struggle is a struggle that makes some women very silent, and some out of their senses. Some harassment isn’t very severe and can be easily ignored, but some actually scar a women’s soul for life.

*shit just got real.

Yea we are in Hong Kong, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen here. Honestly speaking, it does. Girls here just tend to ignore it and move on, because well, in our minds, it’s too embarrassing & we somehow blame ourselves for it too.

For example, you drunk at a party – you are taken to a corner, and the other person is preparing to have sex with you.. and you didn’t want it. But still, you go on with the flow, thinking… “I shouldn’t have drank so much..“I shouldn’t have made him think that…” “it’s too late …” sounds awful but it’s the truth.

*No, it’s not your fault sweetheart. If you said no, it means a no. You don’t want it, just say it & mean it. Don’t kneel down, because you think you are drunk, because you think it’s too late. It’s never too late.

You boys should understand the meaning of a NO & if a girl isn’t in her right mind and isn’t fully aware of what’s going on, be a fu*king gentleman and take care of her, not to take advantage of her. She might not say anything to you afterwards, but remember , it’s going to scar her deep down inside.

Some harassments aren’t very severe, such as Cat-Calling, sliding into our DM’s like “hey babe how you doing?” Sending us your dick pic out of the blue, or even slut-shaming that us girls, because your ego was hurt with our rejects. We can block your ass, or ignore you, make it seem like we didn’t hear it or seen it, but honestly, it’s a struggle for us, to do an extra work along with our usual work to survive the day.

4 –

Double standard of a boyfriend/husband

As much as it’s a beautiful for us to have someone to be called “my boyfriend”, “my hubby”, it is also very annoying. You must be asking why?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful to have a certain someone who is only ours, (with hope that he isn’t a #cheater), it’s wonderful to be in love. But the annoying part starts when we start being our partner’s “property”. By property I don’t mean, the restrictions or the controlling. I meant, they start to think, we are nothing without them. Not only them actually, most people start thinking, we are nothing without our partners.

When we are single, we are strong independent boss-ass women, but suddenly when we are married or having a boyfriend, everything is because of them? Are you for real now? How does that make sense?

It’s not feminism, it’s not women’s ego, it’s about equality. Yes, when we are with you, we feel safer, we feel protected, we feel loved. But that doesn’t mean, that if we are alone, we can’t take care of ourselves, we can’t protect ourselves. We appreciate when you care for us, but only because you want to care for us, it shouldn’t be because you need to.

If we decide to treat ourselves with something special, a necklace, a ring, a watch, the society automatically comments “ngawwwww your boyfriend / husband is so sweeeet. It’s so pretty!! He loves you so much.” No bitch. I got this for myself on my own, with my own money because I love me so much too.

The struggle is real, to prove ourselves that we are still an independent boss ass bitch, even with our boyfriend or husband. We want a support from you, not to be looked like your shadow. If you can spoil us, we want to spoil you too. And don’t think that it will make you any smaller, it won’t – just trust us & believe in us.

——

Above listed are just the few struggles we face daily but don’t talk about it. If you are a man,boy, chokra, londa, whatever you wanna call yourself , please don’t take this personally, but it doesn’t harm to understand us a bit.

4 comments

  1. Ref. No.2: No, frankly speaking I don`t think that this question/reminder is an expression of love or protection of the daughters.
    It is a restriction of females who should be independent from the judgement of others (as long as their actions don`t hurt somebody or violate the law, of course). In fact, parents using this stupid sentence, are protecting their social status and image in the community only, instead of empowering their daughters to find their own ways and express themselves.

    Like

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