Hey readers, today we have Simran from @sts__fam to share her views on toxic relationships. Alot of people have been in a toxic relationship, but how can they solve this?
Make sure you go ahead and check them out on youtube, they are hilarious!
What does toxic relationship means for you?
Well where do I start this? Your partner can be super toxic for you and you wouldn’t realise it until you are actually out of it. Toxic relationship for me is anything that makes you forget about who you are as a person. When you start disrespecting yourself, your partner is toxic. I just got out of a toxic relationship and I didn’t realise how fucked up I was the whole time until I looked in the mirror. When someone makes you question yourself. When someone makes you compare yourself to others. When someone makes you feel belittle. When someone makes you feel like you aren’t enough. When someone makes you feel bad for talking about your feelings. That’s toxic. Physical abuse is bad but have you seen a person who’s being mentally abused? No. Cause you don’t see the scars they have inside them,on their heart,in their souls. You can help a someone who’s being physically abused but how do you help someone who’s being mentally tortured when you can’t see their scars? It’s sad to think that women and even some men I know have to go through relationships like this where their partners literally destroyed them. Yes, they came out stronger. I came out stronger. But all the pain that you have to go through to come out even strong, it’s unexplainable. No words are enough to describe it. 1 toxic relationship can leave a million of scars on you. Any partner who’s toxic for you will try to control you and be judgmental telling you “I love you but don’t do that otherwise I won’t talk to you or I’ll have reconsider our relationship.” Lemme tell you 1 simple thing, any person who uses the relationship , the relationship that you BOTH have as a weapon to have their ways are toxic. Period
Share your experience of a toxic relationship
My ex who I broke up with recently after having a relationship of almost 2 years was the most perfect man to me. He made me happy in the beginning. He made me fell in love with him. He told me he loved me. He told me I was special. He told me I was everything he ever prayed for. Everything was beautiful but until his true self started coming out. He would make me feel bad for talking about my feelings. He would make me feel guilty when I caught him in filthy acts saying “You probably weren’t doing good.” He made me feel disgusted of myself. I still loved him throughout all the mental torture he put me through. I’d have his back even when it’s turned. And when mine is turned, he’d say the worst things possible about me. He slept with my best friend of 5 years. He hit on every friend of mine saying I cheated on him with a guy I never even met. He was so fearless of knowing he’s not going to lose me that he’d come to me with hickeys of other women. Cause he knew just how much I loved him. I was being pushed on my face to the ground all the time. Even the day when I saw things in his phone, I decided to confront him and he got physical. I saw another disgusting side of him. He became such a professional in cheating on me that when I checked his phone, he named all the girls names as guys. My best friends , even my best friend who’s a guy warned me about him but I didn’t listen. I fought with everyone of them. I took his side when my brother and him fought. It broke my heart to see my brother in pain. I was speechless cause my brother is that 1 person who I never fought with and for him, I went to even insulting him. God showed me exactly how wrong I was literally 2 days after. When his phone exposed him. I lost myself loving him. I had to end it to find myself again. And I did. This man literally tore me apart. This man gave me panic attacks every single day. I was in deep depression and anxiety. I ruined my healthy. Felt empty all the time. But hey, I still became whole again. I haven’t had a single panic attack since I left him. And that’s what matters in the end. My health is in a much better condition. I know 1 thing for sure. There’s no man that’s gonna come into my life ever again, for whom I’ll go to that level again. I know my worth now. And I’m not letting my guards down for anyone. I can’t love a man more than I love myself now. I’ll love you but I’ll always keep myself first. Call me as selfish as you want but I’m not gonna put me, my family and my friends through all that again. Ever.
How do you overcome this kind of relationship?
You just wake up one day and you realise you have to walk out. When you walk out, don’t look back. The path is not easy but it’s definitely worth it. I cried a billion times, blamed myself a trillion times and even thought about going back to the toxic person that I left but I didn’t. You don’t realise what you are missing out on life until you are out with your friends having a good time or you are just at home in your own vibe chilling with fam or even having a great time with yourself. Yes. You’ll miss him/her. But ask yourself 1 question whenever you’d wanna contact them again for reconciliation. Do you really wanna harm yourself so deep that there’s no escape for you anymore? You don’t need anyone. The way you can love yourself, no one can. Getting out of a toxic relationship doesn’t only mean pain and suffer. It also means lesson and reality check. You learnt from it. Don’t feel bad about it and stop pitying on yourself. Build yourself up from the first brick again. Don’t ever dare to compare with other people. You are you and that makes you special. Find a hobby, do something you like. Fall in love with yourself. Just remember, no one will be able to love you. It’s gonna be a rough path. You’ll keep feeling empty but only till you feel whole again. And trust me, you will. Just keep one thing in mind and that’s, no one is ever gonna be worth it to lose yourself. Cause when you lose yourself, you lose everything. There’s always rainbow after a rainstorm and it’s beautiful. You’ll be beautiful too.
Would you rather end a toxic relationship or try to fix it? Why?
I’m someone who loves hard when they are in love. So yes, I would try to fix it first. I’d give all I have. Someone’s my partner didn’t give the relationship his 100% so I did. I was praying everyday to God to show him the right path and to make him realise what he’s doing to me. I had his back. All the time. But at the end, I ended it. Why? Did I fall out of love? No. Even on the day I ended us, I loved the man with all I have. But I was not loving me. I was lowering myself for him all the time. I was being mistreated. My mom and family didn’t give me so much to love so a man can come and mistreat me. I let him disrespect me. I would apologise for his mistakes. I got into drug abuse to ease my mind. I became someone I wasn’t. And when I realised that, I left. It was a hell to wake up everyday crying and going to sleep with the same pain. I had to pick myself again. And I did. I came out so much stronger of this. Sometimes, you don’t know how many better things and blessings you are blocking until they start coming to you. Life was beautiful again. I felt beautiful. I felt confident and most importantly I felt whole. I wasn’t empty. I didn’t have to compare myself to other chicks. I was me again. Nothing felt happier than being me again. Nothing felt better than seeing my family looking at me with those proud eyes. Nothing felt bigger than my friends telling me they are finally at pease to see me being me. Sometimes, you have to go through some pain to get the most amazing things in life. I did. You will too.
What are the key skills every relationship should have?
The key to a healthy relationship to to say true. To yourself and your partner. Communicate. Talk to each other about things that are bothering you and listen to them too. Don’t ever let or make your partner feel bad for expressing their feelings. It’s not healthy. They’ll have all their emotions bottled up cause they are too scared to talk to you. And those bottled up emotions will fuck them up. Emotionally , spiritually and sometimes physically too (cause of self harm and drug use). Fix things that are not working out in your relationship and if you can’t, please walk out. If you lose your feelings for someone, leave them. Give them a chance to find love. Don’t fuck their view on love cause you lose feelings and you decided to go outside to fuck around with others. You have no idea how much torture someone goes through when they find out their partner is cheating. It breaks their whole existence. No one deserves that. Spend time together. Do stuff together. But also remember to give space to each other. You are not chained to each other. You have all the rights to have your personal space. Give your partner their person space, let them go out and chill with their friends. If they really are in love with you, they will never put themselves in a situation where they know they can lose you. A healthy relationship has a lot of understanding among couples. They don’t have to explain their actions cause most of the time, their partners already knows the answer. You want someone you can trust. If your partner is out with their friends and you are not able to sleep peacefully cause you don’t trust them enough to, what are you even doing with them? Most importantly, why are you doing this to yourself? Faith is very important for a relationship. You need to trust them but that doesn’t mean close your eyes from the reality. Trust your partner but also keep your eyes open.
Do you think getting out of such relationship causes prevents getting a fresh start?
It sometimes does. Your view on love gets ruined. You think you’ll never find love but you will. After having failed relationships in life, you think there’s so love but there is. There are some people out there that will come along the way and make you realise why it never worked out with anyone. I have my days where I wonder if a man will ever give me love I deserve? But then I realise, I’m sure God has made at least 1 good man for me. He will keep removing the ones that I think are “the one” until I really find him. So don’t consider your failed relationships your bad luck. You learn something for it. Gods preparing you for that special someone. So no matter what. Never lose your faith on it. Till you find that person, love yourself. You want someone to stand by your side, not behind your back. You want someone who you can share your love with and that includes keep loving yourself. You don’t have to lose yourself to love someone. Always remember. There is love. It just takes a lot of patience till you find it. Have faith. Trust yourself enough you deserve it. All will work it by itself. God has made a person for you and you are made for him/her. Don’t stop till you find them. Don’t give up on love. Don’t give up the hope. Most importantly, don’t lose yourself.
Wasn’t that amazing to see such strong opinions of today’s society?
Thank you for this interview, Simran.
You guys really should figure out YOUR toxic relationship. Don’t ruin your life, guys. No one deserves it.
To all the girls out there #ownyourself
Post by Jas Kaur